Doctor: Oh for FFS sake! Stop wasting my time with these absurd complaints. I’m sick of it. I genuinely had someone in earlier telling me they felt like a pair of curtains. It took all my inner strength not to stab them in the eyes with this scalpel. Get out!
Patient leaves through window
Doctor presses intercom
Doctor: Miriam, can you cancel the rest of my appointments please and get me a brandy, doc’s got one of his migraines coming. Oh, and while you’re in the secret cupboard, could you fetch me the latest Sorry Not in Service podcast please? I need to feel better about myself. Thanks Miriam.
If you’d like to feel less like a washed up old bag of post-it notes and more like the good doctor above (or indeed her very attractive assistant Miriam) then you too can download the latest Sorry Not in Service podcast here or here, to listen to the version with the pop music on then go here. To print off your very own hang gliding proficiency certificate, send a sae to the government.