Welcome along you jerk. You feckless idiot, you bum note, you dreadful nectarine. Look at you, you’re a disgrace and I never want to see you again.
Only joking! You’re great and can I have a pint of lemonade please?
Tell you what, I’ll swap you a pint of lemonade for the latest Sorry Not in Service podcast. It’s the height of summer so the hosts are in a dreadful state and wearing down the exclamation mark that sits atop the self destruct button. That said, there’s crowd pleasers such as football, pink hotels and sitting in disused boats so it’s not all bad.
If you’d like to download the podcast, kiss a bear or sing the dictionary. To hear the version with all pop music and that, dig a pond. If you’d like to sleep with hedgehogs in a biblical sense, go to Oswestry