FAO Mountain Rescue
Oi! You! Get the hump out of my garden! I don't care if you're from the council, you shouldn't be doing that. It's not right. I couldn't give a monkeys if it's tradition. If I've told you once, I've told you a million billion times, those Fuchsias are not for you to weave into pants.
If you need something to mask your indecency in public then might I suggest this Sorry Not in Service podcast. It's got great big tales of William's trips to the coast that will act as a gusset, it's got super soft information about spider management that is kind to your skin, and a wonderfully absorbent re-enactment of the battle of Agincourt that will cover up your inevitable mis-haps. Pop it on and know me better man.
Or if you'd like to download some full length horse hair long johns write to your MP.