Oi! You! Get the hump out of my garden! I don't care if you're from the council, you shouldn't be doing that. It's not right. I couldn't give a monkeys if it's tradition. If I've told you once, I've told you a million billion times, those Fuchsias are not for you to weave into pants.
If you need something to mask your indecency in public then might I suggest this Sorry Not in Service podcast. It's got great big tales of William's trips to the coast that will act as a gusset, it's got super soft information about spider management that is kind to your skin, and a wonderfully absorbent re-enactment of the battle of Agincourt that will cover up your inevitable mis-haps. Pop it on and know me better man.
To download these podcast briefs, open this drawer or stab this lion. If you'd prefer some larger, more unwieldy audio underwear then go to Banbury to listen to the show with all the pop music.
Or if you'd like to download some full length horse hair long johns write to your MP.